Tis The Tuesday Before Thanksgivukkah

Tis the Tuesday before Thanksgivukkah
and all through the house,
people should be doing their tasks,
or I’ll freak the hell out.

The Menorah is missing,
packed away somewhere dark,
and I’m losing my mind,
from hearing the dogs bark.

There are pies to be baked,
rolls to be made,
laundry still to be done,
I think the baby shat a grenade.

The people are coming,
presents to be dealt,
scores of things to wrap,
where the &*%$ is the gelt?!

The husband keeps letting,
the dogs track mud on the floor,
If he doesn’t stop soon,
I’ll show him the door.

There’s only one Thanksgivukkah,
on the calendar for years,
I must get it right,
or it will all end in tears.

The turkey I’ve ordered,
might be ginormous indeed
if I manage to cook it,
the village I could feed.

If it doesn’t fit in,
I don’t know what  do,
maybe cut it in half,
then reassemble with glue.

Am I crazy for having planned this?
Was I out of my mind?
Have I gotten myself
into an unspeakable bind?

We won’t have Manischewitz;
whatever will we do?
I don’t even have
traditional white and Hanukkah blue.

The dishes are Italian,
pastel pinks, teals, and browns,
but the kid can sing Hanukkah songs,
he knows how to get down.

If it all falls apart,
at least there is pie,
but if someone eats all the pumpkin,
I will probably die.

Enjoy your Thanksgivukkah,
Love from my family to yours,
Remember not to go overboard,
with too many chores.

Eat lots of turkey,
spin a dreidel or two,
and be thankful for friends and family,
as I am thankful for you.

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