The IKEA Saga: Fresh Splinters

If you remember, last weekend I made the trip to IKEA and survived. I never mentioned anything about assembling said furniture- because that was the Bigger Captor’s punishment for not joining us. He had to assemble everything himself.

Now it’s my turn to watch the circus instead of being IN the circus. I need some popcorn!

5:30 pm- As I look out at the floor in front of me, I see wood planks of all sizes strewn about haphazardly. The baby has been traversing them as if they were some sort of bridge across the carpet. Everything smells of pine.

5:34 pm- The Tiniest Captor has dumped out a bag of washers and small screws all over the floor. I’m pretty sure those pieces will be needed at some point.

5:37 pm- Things are starting to take shape. The captors could be Bones and the Squints, lying out a skeleton to try and put it all in the right order. Only which one of them will confuse the zygomatic process for a patella?

5:40 pm- A slab apparently was not put together correctly back at the IKEA factory. Improvise boys, improvise!!

5:45 pm- The Bigger Captor just pried open Zeke’s mouth looking for a screwdriver. This is getting interesting.

5:51 pm- Both dogs have shredded the instructions across the carpet and one of them has moved onto the cardboard pieces. Someone is going to have to vacuum. . .

5:54 pm- Yep, those pieces the Tiniest Captor dumped out are needed. Question is, where did they go? Again, checking the dog’s mouth.

5:57 pm- The Smaller Captor is upset because he has the unfortunate task of putting the screws into the holes by hand. He wants to be a big person and use a tool too. Little does he know he IS the tool. (I said “is the,” not “is a.”)

6:01 pm-Now Zeke the Great Dane puppy has decided that the Bigger Captor’s lap is where he needs to sit while the Bigger Captor attaches some sort of stabilizing mechanism to the contraption. It’s getting all Albert Einstein up in here; I don’t know if I can handle all the smartness.

6:07 pm- The contraption now resembles a . . . drum roll please DISH SHELF!

6:15 pm- There is packaging and wood carnage everywhere. I can only imagine this is how Gettysburg looked after the battle. I’m guessing I will have to do the cleanup. . .

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