Shit My Brother Says

Conversations go a little something like this:

Him: I have a fail proof plan for getting elected, I think this could totally work.

Me: We’ll have to run this by the Bigger Captor, since he’ll be your campaign advisor and all, but what do you have?

Him: OK,  here goes

Step 1. Surreptitiously re-introduce the T-Rex into Wyoming.

Step 2. Allow the T-Rex population to over run Wyoming territory and make the property value drop.

Step 3. Purchase a large portion of land since it will be cheap due to rampant T-Rex herds.

Step 4. Tame wild T-Rex herd.

Step 5. Train tamed T-Rexes to hold campaign signs and and have them stand at major intersections.

Me: What about platforms?

Him: Well, first we are going to re-introduce double spaced into writing then have reform camps for those people who keep using single space. And then, we’re bringing back the Arby’s 5 for 5 deal.

Me: What else?

Him: Nothing, those are pretty strong platforms, I mean, once you get Arby’s 5 for 5 back, what else do you need?

Me: Indeed.

Meanwhile, the Bigger Captor is beating his head against a brick wall (Which he really shouldn’t do because his head is oddly shaped enough already.)


The brother is playing with a soothie pacifier that’s laying on the table:

Him: What’s the reason for these oddly shaped pacifiers. Why aren’t they like the old school ones? Those worked just fine didn’t they?

Me: It’s to  help reduce nipple confusion

Him: Yeah, that’s happened to me a few times.

Me: (puzzled face) oookkkaaayyyy. . .


Grandma: I haven’t done my “pay-it-forward” yet this Christmas

Him: It’s not too late to start, just keep it in the family! *extends hand*


He’s full of priceless nuggets… I won’t post them all now. They’re good random fodder for miscellaneous entertainment. . .


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