New Baby Elves

T’was 10 past 11
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring
Except that damned mouse.

The dogs had passed out,
Their fur covering the floor.
The laundry was in heaps
And piles by the door.

The Bigger Captor and I
Breathed a sigh of relief,
When the tiny captor squeaked
and finally drifted off to sweet sleep.

The whole day had been
Very trying at best.
The baby it seemed,
Had become quite possessed.

The screaming ensued,
From dusk until dawn,
And all of our nerves
Were assuredly gone.

The smaller captor had made
And Legos in feet
Will cause startling distress.

The PlayDoh was left
All stuck to the walls,
And the yard was still littered
With all kinds of poo balls.

The house as it was
Needed major attention;
There were heaps of laundry,
If I failed to mention.

Dishes were stacked
rather high in the sink,
And thank God, nothing yet,
had started to stink.

I had just closed my eyes
When I heard the loud noise
Could it possibly be,
The neighboring boys?!?

Without opening my eyes,
I threw back the sheets,
And braced myself for
What I might possibly meet.

Down the loud I stairs I crept
Managing nigh a loud creak
And listened intently
For someone started to speak.

“Good gravy, look at this mess!”
One voice called out to the rest,
“This one will be tough,
But we’ll try our best.”

Confused as I was,
I tiptoed to be near
Still rubbing my eyes,
Wait! – I didn’t drink any beer!

And there in my kitchen
Stood a couple of elves,
More than a handful,
Maybe eleven or twelve?

They started in on the dishes,
The bottles and such.
One of them laughed,
“Oh, why such the rush?”

The leader of elves
Gave a stern look,
“Don’t give me that sass,
Or I’ll make you go cook.”

“Infants are tough,
If you didn’t already know,
And moms work really hard
To make sure they grow.”

“So what if the dishes
Are packed towards the sky
And laundry sits
Unbelievably high?”

“We’re the New Baby Elves!”
One of them shouted with glee.
“I hope this dear Mom
Will be so pleased with me!”

The leader elf chuckled,
“Son, she can’t know about us.
It’s a secret we’re here,
Please don’t make such a fuss.”

“If moms knew we existed,
We’d be in big trouble;
They’d snatch us all up
And make us work double!”

When I heard that elf’s words
I went straight back upstairs.
But I couldn’t stop wondering if
They’d make some éclairs.

I closed my eyes
And counted some sheep,
Feeling so happy,
I could possibly weep.

When I awoke,
I stretched with a yawn,
I couldn’t wait to see
What they had done with the lawn.

When I looked out the window,
Was it possible?
Am I seriously deranged?

I ran down the stairs
As fast as I could.
When I got to the kitchen,
I found nothing good.

The dishes still stood
As tall as they had,
And at that very moment,
I turned rather sad.

The laundry too,
Still be where it lay,
And I sighed to myself,
As I mumbled “oy-vey.”

I’ve reached a new level
Of major exhaustion;
So I offer this tale
With a big word of caution.

A new baby will cause you
To lose your damn mind.
So don’t hurry yourself
To get back to the grind.

If you see New Baby Elves,
You should stop and should think.
Then remember these words
And pour a stiff drink.

The laundry will be there,
The dishes will too,
Most likely the yard,
Still full of dog poo.

So go back to bed,
And get some good rest.
But at least in the morning,
Try to remember to dress!

Your friends, your family,
And your dear husband, too,
May think you’ve gone nuts,
But they still all love you.

As my hubby explains it,
They may not tell you enough,
But they seriously appreciate
“All that great mommy stuff.”

{ 2 comments… add one }

  • Grandma December 1, 2012, 11:17 pm

    Love it, would be nice if there were Elves like that.

  • Darleen December 2, 2012, 12:06 am

    Love it, reminds me of one of my favorite fifth grade assignments LOL Well done and don’t worry the dishes will still be there, untill the kids are old enough to help. LOL Congratulations


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