I Need a New Expletive

Picture this…

Bigger Captor  is standing in the doorway to our bedroom brushing his teeth… why, I don’t exactly know, but the Smaller Captor is supposed to be doing the same thing in the bathroom. I can hear the Smaller Captor bumbling around and then I hear everything (toothbrush, timer, etc) hit the floor. All I hear out of the kid is “JESUS!” Then some random mumbling.

The look on Bigger Captor’s face was priceless. He closed his eyes, pursed his lips around his toothbrush and became motionless. Then he glared and pointed at me in a jabbing motion. The foaming at the mouth bit makes this even more impressive. It’s like he has rabies and now he’s mad…and even though the poke was from across the room, I absolutely felt it. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s going to leave a bruise. Or I’m going to contract rabies. Just call me Ol’ Yeller.

I will admit that I am notorious for saying this particular word/name/phrase (whatever you’d like to call it)  when I drop things, or whenever something happens that warrants an expletive. This learned trick is absolutely my fault. I don’t think I’ll be seeing the nomination for mother-of-the-year any time soon.

The reason that this is so funny, for those who don’t know, is that we are practicing Jews. I wasn’t raised a Jew, but Joshua was and that’s how we’ve decided to raise our family. Now Bigger Captor is explaining to Smaller Captor how we shouldn’t say “Jesus” and how it could be offensive to people. He’s looking at me and telling the boy to remind me it’s not OK to say…. thanks Bigger Captor. (Just when I thought I was getting the Smaller Captor to be on my side!) He says “It’s not blasphemous because we’re Jews, but it IS ridiculous.”

I think he is ridiculous. Him and his rabies.

{ 3 comments… add one }

  • Rachel Christoph December 4, 2012, 8:42 pm

    Ha ha this is very amusing and I can completely see all of it happening! Hmm an expletive from my own mother would be, “Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the camel! ” its quite amusing when I hear it..

  • Emily Guy Birken December 4, 2012, 9:04 pm

    My father yelled “Jesus Christ!” in front of my 2-year-old on Thanksgiving, and my stepmother yelled at him. (I neglected to mention that the kid has heard the F-bomb from me on multiple occasions, but that’s a whole other comment.) What’s ridiculous is that I, the 2-year-old, and the stepmother are all Jewish. My dad’s a gentile.

    I still can’t wrap my head around over who had the right to be offended by whom in the whole scenario.

  • Joals December 5, 2012, 12:09 am

    Thank goodness I have no such restrictions. I can help you find a new expletive, but I doubt Bigger Captor would approve of it either!


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