Here’s the thing: Rapunzel could have figured out a way to get down using her hair. She must not have been all that clever. I on the other hand am not blessed with magical locks, so I resorted to tying a bedsheet to the balcony in an attempt to escape my bedroom prison last night. The thing is, I was too afraid to go over the ledge because I’m sure the second I got to a point where I couldn’t reach the railing any longer, the knot would have given out and I would have fallen to my *probable* death, if not severe maiming.
Also, there is a rogue cat who seems to think he is now mine, living in my back yard. Whilst surveying the potential fall area, the cat lurked underneath the balcony and howled like a dragon. So, if I didn’t die in the fall, he probably would have eaten me. Yet another reason not to opt for the sheet.
Why did I need to try and use a bedsheet to escape you ask? Well, there I was blissfully falling asleep on my comfortable bed when a wind gust slammed, nay, brutally hammered my door into the door frame. It was one of those moments where the noise is so loud you are suddenly at full awakeness with your heart trying to escape your body.
After I convinced myself that this wasn’t a start to a horror movie, there were no ghosts or demon things lurking under my bed to grab at my ankles, and there were no robbers coming up the stairs (from what I could hear) I went to re-open the door. I turned the handle and pulled. Nothing. Turned it really hard. Nothing. Put all of my weight against the door, turned the handle and pulled again. Nothing.
I stepped back, looked at the door and thought, “huh, well this isn’t good.” Then proceeded to try and try again to open it to no avail. What did I do next? Turned to Facebook for help, of course! Some suggestions were decent, others, not so much. An example:
1. Crawl out a window and come in another door (I’d considered going out to the roof, but in the pitch black this seemed like a death wish)
2. Rope of bedsheets. (Which I did, but chickened out on the execution of the plan) *For the record, it’s about 30 feet to the ground*
3. Use a credit card to open it. (Nothing available at the time, and the lock is an odd european lock that our McGuyver American tricks won’t work on)
4. Pull a “Here’s Johnny!” (I probably would have scared myself in the process, and then would have gotten stuck on the wood trying to get through the door) Probably would have resulted in a Darwin Award- but hey it could live next to my “Miss Congeniality” Award
So what do the tough do when the going gets tough? The tough go to bed. – duh.
The Bigger Captor- turned rescuer, came home eventually from taking his dad to Bratislava. He thought I had given myself brain damage and just couldn’t open the door. It’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility on normal ocassions. But, alas, he could not get the door open either.
After taking out screws of every imagineable place, trying to put leverage on it to push in, up, down, and inside out, the door still wouldn’t open.
I had half of a flat coke zero on my night stand, so it’s quite possible I could have died from lack of caloric intake if I had to spend any real time in there. And I thought I would be trapped forever. I was considering my miserable end, thinking about what I would write in my good bye letter, and deciding on the best outfit to pass away in. Might as well go out in a glamerous style, no?
That’s about the time that the Bigger Captor/Rescuer came busting through the door with a loud crunch. There was no way around it. The door had to get hurt to get it open. Why, you ask? Interestingly enough, when the door slammed shut, the latch part of the mechanism broke off from the handle, making it a permanent fixture in the metal on the door frame AND in the metal part of the latch assembly. Because of the door being an inset door, it wouldn’t move up to take it off it’s hinges. This is one of those days where I miss good ol’ Walmart doors where you can escape pretty easily (and replace easily t0o)
Bigger Captor gets points for style coming through the door, but totally went negative in the points because I recieved neither a kiss (which is obligatory, isnt’ it?!?) nor was there a noble steed waiting to wisk me away.
Fairytales should be illegal- they only exist to crush your soul when you ACTUALLY get trapped in a tower. . .