Recently it has come to light that the Smaller Captor has a vocabulary all his own. We’ve apparently been ignoring this and perpetuating the behavior. Please add another tally next to my name for mother-of-the-year…
What prompted this recognition was an event that took place this afternoon. I was attempting to take a few minuets and soak in the tub (mistake numero uno). The Tiniest Captor started crying and was in her swing. She had been peacefully and blissfully asleep. At least she was until I walked away. It’s like she has a mommy-dar and the second I’m out of her scanning zone she
flips her shit becomes quite disgruntled. Usually the Bigger Captor is around so we can tag team her, and each of us can take a moment to regain our sanity. The Bigger Captor however has been gone the the last 48 hours retrieving our beloved truck from the port in Germany and only returned at 6am this morning. This meant that I was left with the Tiniest Captor, the Smaller Captor, and the Captor Hounds… I absolutely needed a few moments in the tub. I could have also used a glass of wine, a box of truffles, and perhaps a hot stone massage. (Just some ideas for those of you who need some last minute Hanukkah or Christmas gift ideas. *ahem.)
I digress; the Tiniest Captor had stopped crying- I sighed in relief. Then I heard the Smaller Captor outside the bathroom door.
Smaller Captor: I have your crying baby here. (Obviously meaning he was taking no claim to his sister.)
Me: What do you mean you have her?
Smaller Captor: I have the baby, she’s crying.
Bigger Captor: (Who was with me at the moment.) You carried her up the stairs?!?
Smaller Captor: Yeah, I brought her to you. She was crying so I brought her up.
TRANSLATION: Get off your asses and take care of this thing because it is bothering me.
Then it dawned on us, the Smaller Captor has not only a code that he uses, but special words as well. Here are a few examples:
“Upchuck” = throw up
“waiascnd” (sounds like waitasecond- all smashed together)= I’m going to interrupt you now to ask a question that is irrelevant to the topic being discussed
“nibbler” = the nipple to the bottles the Tiniest Tolin has. I found it amusing and failed to correct him. Whoops…
“snemi-truck” = semi truck (this one stems from when he was little)
“I wish I could have…” = I want something
“Do you wish you could have” = I want to ask for something, but want to phrase it like it was your idea.
“Don’t you think this is awesome??”= I REALLY want this, but still want it to be your idea.
“Which apparently” = awkward intro to a new topic for the Smaller Captor. He says this ALL THE TIME.
Of course the Tiniest Captor has her own language too. It sounds a lot like this:
Ok, so she’s totally not a velociraptor… but she does get pissy when she’s hungry.