Short & sweet (short yes, but sweet–debatable)
One day I might make a compilation of all the things that come out of the Smaller Captor’s mouth- and maybe turn it into a book or something. I can think of about 3 people who would buy it, but it would make a great gift for someone who is thinking about having children. Then they could read about what it’s really like.
Initially I thought I’d call it “Sh&t Oliver Says” but that title has somewhat been used already. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something, or rather, Oliver will probably come up with something.
Scene: grocery store checkout line
Characters: Myself and the Smaller Captor
Me (upon getting a whiff of the kid’s breath): DUDE! Did you even brush your teeth today?!
SC: Yeah, I used the timer and everything.
Me: What have you been eating?
SC: I dunno, food?
Me: Have you been using your swooshie? (Swooshie is what SC calls mouth wash)
SC: YES! I use it every day.
Me: Well, let me know when you are running out so I can get some more. Since we’re already here, should we get some?
SC: No. I have plenty.
SC: (very excitedly) When it gets low, I just add more water to it- and it makes more swooshie! Then we don’t have to buy any!
Me: Excuse me? You do what? (Intense stare of horror)
SC: Yeah, I just add more water, it still kinda tastes like swooshie, and it has some color left too! Cool huh?
Me: facepalm & groan
People in line behind me: (They have no idea what has just happened, but they are laughing)
The kid is nothing, if not extra special. Bless his heart for trying to save money though.