Words can’t really describe how much I enjoy conversations with my brother, so you’ll just have to read it for yourself!
- Me: I need a favor dear brother… since you are going to the apo this week
- If I send money to your USAA account, could you grab two bags of dog food and ship them apo to apo?
- Brother: Dags? You like dags? what kind of dog food do you want
- Me: It’s the pedigree kind, adult nutrition, 30lb bags.
- Brother: ok i will bring an XXL Sharpie and scrawl “EBIS” across the front, that should get them there, I hope
- Me: lol, just take some paper and tape and put a mailing label on them
- Me: ok, just use the sharpie then
- Brother: Should i hypenate your last name or is tolin good enoughthis thing writes in a pretty big font, might not have enough space for EBIS MCCLURE-TOLIN
I could always write around the bag
or a two part name system, first name on one bag and the last name on the otherthen tape them laterally together to display it correctly
- Me: what if they get them mixed up and put the last name first?
- Brother : worst case, someone else possibly gets 60 pounds of dog food strategically taped together like a book.I suppose I could write alittle poem on the inside in case that happens to entertain the future owner
- Me: and what would it say?
here is my dog food
I don’t want to be rude
It’s crunchy and hard
but not made from lard
it is now yours to eat
though it tastes like bad meat
i hope you rot in hell while my dogs starve asshole
- Me: that last part doesn’t rhyme, but I like it!
- Brother: its haiku
- Me: you are in rare form this morning
- Brother: do you have an address? also do you have my usaa account?
- Me: should I just send you the image of a check and you can submit it online through that thing they have? does that work?
- Brother: send me a picture of oliver’s giant pile of gelt, we’ll try that first
- Brother: what an interesting concept, i am going to start taking pictures of my stuff and send them to usaa asking them to deposit the value of the item in the picture into my account
Me: so go take a picture of a ferari
- Brother: a hotwheels ferrari, but i will take it using tilt shift photography techniques so they will think it is life size, muahahahaLATER IN THE CONVERSATION. . .
- Brother: well if you are filling out the back side then i think it is only fair that i get to fill out the front side
- Me: pick a number between 1 and 50
- Brother: does it have to be a whole number?
- Me: nope, pi works
- Brother: |-47.6532478|
- Me: ok, fair enough
- Brother: for every digit that is missing I will remove 12 grams of dogfood
- Me: so then the stranger that gets my dog food will have less dogfood?
- Brother: but they won’t know why.