A Conversation With My Brother

Words can’t really describe how much I enjoy conversations with my brother, so you’ll just have to read it for yourself!

  • Me: I need a favor dear brother… since you are going to the apo this week
  • If I send money to your USAA account, could you grab two bags of dog food and ship them apo to apo?
  • Brother: Dags? You like dags? what kind of dog food do you want
  • Me: It’s the pedigree kind, adult nutrition, 30lb bags.
  • Brother: ok i will bring an XXL Sharpie and scrawl “EBIS” across the front, that should get them there, I hope
  • Me: lol, just take some paper and tape and put a mailing label on them
  • Brother: oh great, now where am I supposed to get paper and tape? I already have the Sharpie
  • Me: ok, just use the sharpie then
  • Brother: Should i hypenate your last name or is tolin good enough
    this thing writes in a pretty big font, might not have enough space for EBIS MCCLURE-TOLIN

    I could always write around the bag

    or a two part name system, first name on one bag and the last name on the other

    then tape them laterally together to display it correctly
  •  Me: what if they get them mixed up and put the last name first?
  •  Brother : worst case, someone else possibly gets 60 pounds of dog food strategically taped together like a book.I suppose I could write a
    little poem on the inside in case that happens to entertain the future owner
  • Me: and what would it say?
  • Brother:

    here is my dog food
    I don’t want to be rude
    It’s crunchy and hard
    but not made from lard

    it is now yours to eat
    though it tastes like bad meat
    i hope you rot in hell while my dogs starve asshole

  •  Me: that last part doesn’t rhyme, but I like it!
  • Brother: its haiku
  •  Me: you are in rare form this morning
  • Brother: do you have an address? also do you have my usaa account?
  •  Me: should I just send you the image of a check and you can submit it online through that thing they have? does that work?
  •  Brother: send me a picture of oliver’s giant pile of gelt, we’ll try that first
  •  Brother: what an interesting concept, i am going to start taking pictures of my stuff and send them to usaa asking them to deposit the value of the item in the picture into my account
  • Me: so go take a picture of a ferari

  • Brother: a hotwheels ferrari, but i will take it using tilt shift photography techniques so they will think it is life size, muahahaha
  • Brother: well if you are filling out the back side then i think it is only fair that i get to fill out the front side
  • Me: pick a number between 1 and 50
  • Brother: does it have to be a whole number?
  • Me: nope, pi works
  • Brother: |-47.6532478|
  • Me:  ok, fair enough
  • Brother: for every digit that is missing I will remove 12 grams of dogfood
  • Me: so then the stranger that gets my dog food will have less dogfood?
  • Brother: but they won’t know why.

 What else are siblings good for, if not for entertainment!

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